Why we affirm our negative mindset
There can be different reasons why you keep affirming your negative mindset.
Below, we will describe some of these.
1. It feels safe and secure
A negative mindset can have certain benefits. For example, being hurt in the past may have led us to believe that the outside world is unsafe and hostile.
This conviction causes us to withdraw and avoid challenging situations. This way we avoid being hurt again. We build a wall around ourselves, and inside this wall we feel relatively safe and secure.
2. Automatic and unconscious
Your mindset consists of unconscious assumptions and expectations. These are your core beliefs that you automatically and unconsciously try to confirm and support.
Your mindset acts as a kind of filter through which you perceive yourself and the world around you.
Because of your confirmation bias you unconsciously only select the information that confirms and supports your mindset. And all conflicting information is simply ignored or distorted to match your mindset.
In this way you are able to make your world relatively safe and predictable.
3. You don’t believe change is possible
A very important core belief is the assumption and expectation you have regarding your ability to adjust your mindset and core beliefs.
In general, a distinction can be made between two types of people. People with a growth mindset and people with a fixed mindset.
Someone with a growth mindset views intelligence, abilities, skills and talents as learnable and believes that he or she can improve themselves.
Someone with a fixed mindset sees the same traits as inherently stable and does not believe change is possible.
Your core belief in your ability to change determines to a very large extent whether you are able to do so.
If deep down you are convinced that you cannot change, then any attempt to change will lead to failure and disappointment and a confirmation of this core belief.
When you are convinced deep down that change is possible, you can move mountains and you will not give up until you have achieved your goal and confirmed this core belief.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right
~ Henry Ford, founder of Ford Motor Company
4. Lack of knowledge and skills
Another reason may be that you don’t know how to change your mindset. In other words, you do not know how to approach this due to a lack of knowledge and skills.
Or maybe you know how to do it, but you are not able to keep it up long enough to realize lasting changes in your mindset.
5. Other people keep confirming your mindset
It is also possible that other people confirm your negative mindset. This is because we often surround ourselves with people who confirm the image we have of ourselves and the world.
When you decide to change your mindset, it is useful to find out which people around you confirm and maintain your negative mindset.
A change in your mindset means that the relationship you have with these people will come under pressure.
This does not automatically mean that you should completely distance yourself from these people. However, it is important to realize that it is not possible to change other people.
You can unlearn what you have learned
The analysis of the origin of the problem shows that you have somehow learned your negative mindset.
And everything you can learn, you can also unlearn, as long as you have the conviction that this is possible.
It’s not your fault and there’s nothing wrong with you
The reason to dwell in detail on the origin of the problem is to realize that it is not your fault that you pay so much attention to your negative thoughts and feelings.
So there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you are not defective. You just have to learn to feed your white wolf a little more, by focusing on the positive things in your life.
This is not difficult and just requires the necessary discipline.
Challenge
Find out why and how you confirm your negative mindset
- Don’t judge yourself for doing this, it’s just learned behavior
- Try to be proud of yourself for deciding to change your behavior